Today was the anniversary of my little boy’s¹ birth in Nauvoo under such painful circumstances– sick with ague and delicate in the extreme I cannot help feeling it sorely and so many years ago it is like a dream. Last night I was writing until after one ’oclock and reading until 3 in the morning. I worried very much my children’s families do many things that upset me. I had a letter from John Q. today a very good letter indeed. two other letters came one for Annie and one for Louise I wrote one editorial last night and one today– and I am very weak and weary came home earlier than usual After having been to see Sister S. M. Kimball She looks so frail. I had a pleasant talk with her she holds similar views to mine– [p. 276] {p. 202}

Went up early called at Sister Horne’s she has been ill looks very bad– had shakes very much indeed– but she holds her own remarkably for her age, she will be eighty in November– her mind is bright– Went on up town had a call from Dr. M. C. [Margaret Curtis] Roberts, very pleasant– soon after Charles Cannon told me it was reported that Prest. Woodruff was dead– went out on the street saw Andrew Jenson who informed me it was true, telegram from George Q. Cannon. no flags were yet at half-mast went into the news and reminded them theirs was the first flag changed bulletin was out announcing his death at 6.40. A.M.– no pain slept well and never woke– went up to Aunt Zina– had a kind of nervous chill– Aunt Zina was very calm & self-possessed. [p. 277] {p. 203}

My visit with Zina was all right enjoyed it well– she was most affectionate– this morning she left with Pheb and the <(her)> boys to go to Chariton [Jacobs]’s in West Weber– I went early and did my finishing work on the paper– Primary officers meeting, suggested flowers for Prest. Woodruff– he loved the Primary– News is that the body left San Francisco last night and will arrive here Sunday morning 8.20– Strange he should die there– I had a hard day arranged for sisters R.R. fare to go to Summit Stake Conference– and did many things in brief– meeting was very good many sisters present I wanted to go to the Society Meeting in the Assembly Hall but could not get there Lydia D. Alder had manuscript for me to see and correct for Club Magazine in the South– so much to do. Camilla Cobb came in late [p. 278] {p. 204}

This morning wrote some letters, one to Mrs. Packard² and one to sister Lucy– and then prepared to go to meeting. in the 18th. Ward– sat by Martha Wells– the brethren and sisters bear testimony in fast meeting children are blest and confirmations after baptisms two babies were blest Grace Rinders [Rynders] and Helen Knowlton F. S. [Franklin S.] Richards spoke of Prest Woodruff’s last hours and his confidence in the future, Ort. Whitney (the Bishop) and Golden Kimball, Br. [Robert] Patrick John Sears and others both brethren & sisters bore testimonies. I went home with Martha and had dinner Annie telephoned to Hebe and I found she had come from Ogden– went down immediately and spent the evening came home late and very weary did not feel well at all restless night [p. 279] {p. 205}

Went up early had paper made up– saw Frank Cannon– had several letters one for Annie from Mell and took it down to her. It contained news of Daisie’s illness– very serious– Dot Will & baby came up– to Annie’s baby is growing. Was called to a meeting of the Executive Committee– At the meeting was appointed on Resolution Committee to prepare Resolution on Prest. Woodruffs death to be presented in Convention Have had several ladies to see me even tho’ it was a holiday– sent away a poem Autumnal Musings to the Woman’s World to be published if they think proper– went to see Annie, coming from Annie’s to the car, we saw a burning star, it was plainly visible and then disappeared– [p. 280] {p. 206}

Letter from Dr. Jacobs Carlisle Scotland– one for Annie from John Q. I went down there with it, and found he had been ill. Felt very solemn about it. I engaged carriage for the Relief Society for funeral of Prest. Woodruff also a floral offering– a crown of white. I went to Cannon Ward as per invitation of the Prest. Ellis R. Shipp accompanying me– had a pleasant time after the meeting we had refreshments and I spoke with Prest. Cannon a few minutes went in to see Emily– came home alone– then went up to see Aunt Zina and consult her on funeral matters and about an invitation to Brigham City to attend the Conference on Harriet [Squires] Snow’s birthday September 13th. went to see Annie, came home very weary [p. 281] {p. 207}

This morning I was away early and looked up all that I could on matters and was ready to go to the Lake at 2.15– Dr. Pratt & girl and Sister Doolan– went off and later came H. V. Kimball M. [Maria Banks] Francis E. W. Hyde C. S. Thomas and some others I was enraptured with the beauty of the day and the Lake– very few people present and it did seem a failure as a Club outing I had taken pains to call on Sister Farnsworth & Julia and also Mrs. Arthur Brown– and felt annoyed that they took so little interest in an affair that was for the honor and success of the club in many ways. Came home in time to prepare copy and go to Rep. State Com. Meeting³ came home late & weary. [p. 282] {p. 208}

Went off very early and called on L. D. Alder and gave her ticket for Seat in the Tabernacle at the funeral of Prest. Woodruff– then to Sister Hyde’s and to give the tickets out. Sister Jane S. Richards M. I. Horne, Dr. Pratt & others came to the office we went over together the tabernacle was beautiful in white drapery with flowers and sheafs of wheat. Crowds of people from all parts of the State and the several stakes of Zion, and such solemn and impressive ceremonies– at the close we went to the grave in a carriage– for the Relief Society After wards Sister Horne & Sister Richards came to the office and many others Br. [George F.] Gibbs, Richards Wells & [Thomas] Hull and I was more weary than words could express [p. 283] {p. 209}

Was early at the train had a talk with Apostle Brigham Young on the car going up– On the train met with Prest. W. [William] H. Seegmiller of Sevier Stake and Miss Nellie Kathryn Marguardson of Elsinore– arrived in good time for afternoon service and spoke an hour and twenty minutes to the Relief Society in Conference assembled. Went to Sister Cox’s and had dinner & then spent the evening with her– her daughter Eugenia [Cox] was very sick– I slept well though I had much to think of and worry over and– I was more weary than I could tell to any one– I had tried to remember every thing in regard to the Society that I possibly could the silk culture, the reading in Doctrine & Covenants, the Officers meetings the young ladies’ joining the Society It was the first time I had slept at Sister Cox house. [p. 284] {p. 210}

This is Emmie’s birthday and I have scarcely time to think of it. hurried up and over to Sister [Rebecca Coolidge] Wareham’s to breakfast was asked to pray with them and complied– I had prayed the night before with Sister Cox before we retired– and soon as breakfast was over went away to the Y.L.M.M.I.A.⁴ Conference– Miss Christine Willardson presiding– I spoke about about three quarters of an hour– mostly upon intellectual subjects and missionary labors– went to Sister Shoemaker’s to dinner quite a company– Br. & Sister Tuttle Missouri Mormons, Sisters Wareham & [Helena Einarsen] Madsen and Willardson– in the afternoon spoke nearly an hour to the girls on Marriage, Mother hood and the Home. Went home with Sister Shoemaker & spent a pleasant evening– slept in a comfortable room & bed [p. 285] {p. 211}

This morning after breakfast went to see Eunice Billings Snow whom I had known in Nauvoo– found her more cheerful than I had expected and very glad to see me. I had not seen her for some years. Then went to Sister Wareham’s and had a pleasant hour with her and Sister Hyde and Sisters Cox & Shoemaker– Left for home just after 12 on Rio Grande Western– rested some on the train dozed a little had a peculiar dream of a large bird with immense tail very handsome long and sweeping feathers– last night dreamed of driving a double team span of horses and carriage and over new bridges– George Q. and Louise met me at the depot– with the buggy had dinner with Annie & the children– came home to sleep– and read [p. 286] {p. 212}

This is <nearing> the birthday of little Eugene as we have always called him– now nearly 16 years old. He has entered the High school today to take a scientific course Louise Cannon for an English course– I feel very pleased about it– it is the anniversary of Sister Elmina S. Taylor’s birth and throughout the Church the Y.L.M.N.I.A.⁵ are keeping the day with entertainments– I went to see Aunt Zina today and had a long talk with her– she would not consent to go to Brigham City even to the Sisters Conference. I had a number of letters from people today and wrote two one to Susan Grant and one to the sisters at Brigham City– Reaper’s Club met today– had a fine paper– came home weary and Constance gone to Shakespeare Club– [p. 287] {p. 213}

This morning went over to Belle’s first and took the book I had selected for the birthday gift for Eugene– saw Belle the first time for several days– since I left for Sanpete– Sister Richards came over from the Temple and we decided on a meeting of the Executive Board of the Relief Society– to meet at 3 o’clock which we succeeded in bringing about. After meeting we came down town together– saw Joseph F. Smith who complimented us on our being a dignified body of women– Sister Zina Jane Richards & Bathsheba Smith and myself– Sister [Marilla Johnson] Daniels of Provo made me a call– I went to Annie’s and stayed while she went to a meeting of the Red Cross Society at Mrs. Riter’s. Was astonished to find that the [p. 288] {p. 214} First Presidency had been organized– with Lorenzo Snow Prest. & Trustee in Trust and George Q. Cannon & Joseph F. Smith Counselors.⁶

Wednesday, Sept. 14. 1898

Many conjectures and much talk about Church matters Democratic Convention in session and discussion and division on candidates etc. Dr. Pratt talked with me on Press Club matters, I went down to Annie’s in the afternoon & had lunch then back to the office to work– came home and called over at Belle’s to see Eugene as it is his birthday; I have great hopes of Eugene I wrote to Mell a long letter five pages and sent her the paper containing the article on the two Societies Daughters of the Revolution and Daughters of the American Revolution– [p. 289] {p. 215}

<Sister Zina, Bathsheba & myself were at the Prest. office yesterday– a few minutes–>

Went up early after going to see Belle and the girls and baby– baby is growing nicely and all is comfortable there to appearance– Belle seems very weary– and they are all tired out with the care of the fruit– the weather is simply perfect such sweet Autumn days and nights. June came in and talked with me over the silk affair– he had some hopes of its becoming more flourishing but these are all vanished now– he seems terribly down– [Brigham H.] Roberts was nominated yesterday and the women of the State generally feel it is an insult.⁷ Women are not being treated with much consideration. Men seem afraid of their taking some of the emoluments– and they will oppose them as long as possible. Went down to see Sister Kimball Margaret Caine went with me– [p. 290] {p. 216}

To me this has been a very gloomy day. I have been suffering in my feelings with a depression I cannot throw off. I have had several pleasant calls and yet the gloom hangs over me. The day is beautiful beyond description almost– yet I cannot enjoy it as usual– the promise made me concerning help for my work to relieve me of the burden now upon me has not been kept. Saw Prest. Cannon and he has arranged for Annie to send telegram free to John Q. and it was sent this afternoon. Went to see Annie this evening I feel very sorry for her and hope we will get good news. Saw Ninnie [Minnie] Snow today she seems exaltedly happy Mrs. Salisbury, came to see me Georgie Young, Mrs. Francis, Ella Hyde Hugh Cannon– little Louise– and lots of others June Wells & Abbie [Wells]– came home greatly depressed, wrote in Relief Society Record– [p. 291] {p. 217}

This morning was early at the office and had many callers, much excitement over the nomination of B. H. Roberts, and sisters coming to me with complaints and wanting to know what to do? Fourteenth Ward meeting Sister Horne not present– Sister Hyde came in and brought the minutes. Annie also came while Annie Hyde was here in walked Pat. Lannan⁸ who evidently came to sound me on the matter of Roberts election and the women’s vote– I could not say much but put him off the best I could, but he went away with the impression that he would get some expression in a few days. Meantime I will try to see friends and get opinions– of how women stand on the question, it is an outrageous thing for him to expect womens’ votes– went to Annie’s in the evening. [p. 292] {p. 218}

Last night wrote in the Relief Society Record very late, and this morning commenced again, wrote until meeting time and then went to the Tabernacle, Prest. Lorenzo Snow preached then Geo. Q. Cannon– choir and congregation sung “Now let us rejoice in the day of salvation.” I went to Annie’s after meeting, found the children alone and stayed with them until Annie came from the farm, she told me how Prest. Cannon had talked to them and how much better he was– His decision in regard to arranging his affairs to avoid being molested and to secure his own comfort and protection in case of illness or any sudden attack–⁹ we talked on many matters– she told Prest. Cannon some of B. H. Roberts saying in the Convention [p. 293] {p. 219}

Went up to the Prest. Office they were very busy but succeedid in getting an appointment with them for Tuesday half past 10 A.M.– spent the day in working on paper trying to get off letters & so forth had several callers and felt uncomfortable about Annie not getting a letter from John Q. who is ill. Went down to see her thro’ the day– At evening worked late then home to write in my Record of the Relief Society– it does seem an interminable work and one cannot help feeling after all perhaps it is uncalled for writing so much; if our sisters would only allow the secretaries to record the most important items it would save so much– [p. 294] {p. 220}

Came up this morning after a terrible ordeal of headache– arrived in time and was soon ushered into the office with the newly installed President and his first Counselor– <Prest.> Lorenzo Snow & Prest. Geo. Q. Cannon Joseph F. Smith was away in Logan– I mentioned my errand and the need of having advice from them I found they were both opposed to Roberts and also that they were more than willing women should work against him– either privately or publicly and strongly talked of a mass meeting– and that it must not be a fizzle– many things were said on both sides– the idea that he should expect to be elected by women’s votes after his anti-suffrage raid– [p. 295] {p. 221}

Last evening went to see Mrs. Salisbury and had a talk with her– she thinks we can wait for a little while and sound the sentiment. Many women both Mormons and Gentiles have been in talking with me about the affair Mrs. Allen & Mrs. Kinney on the Chairman of Correspondence– women fighting Miss Julia Farnsworth. I mentioned this to Mrs. Salisbury, she would more gladly favor me.

I have been busy very– Minnie Snow brought me a very large bouquet of Asters & Geraniums this morning, we had a little talk about Omaha– Went to Richard [A.] Shipps wedding at Bishop [Isaac] Barton’s in 19th. Ward– a very grand affair– bride Agnes Barton[.] gave a book Twilight Dreams [p. 296] {p. 222}

This morning felt very uncomfortable, headache again, called at Belle’s saw her a minute Went down home during the day– also to Annie’s where I had supper– Aunt Zina came to see me– Sister Tuttle of Oakley Idaho–¹⁰ and Sister [May] Anderson– Dr. Pratt, and lots of other ladies, Mrs. J. Fewson [Christiania Vernon] Smith of the Democratic committee– to get me to help them against Roberts and also several others– it is puzzling to know just what to do.– No news yet from John Q. and it makes one feel dreadful– Reading proof today and last night after the wedding too. Weary and headaching yet one must work on and on. Went to Meeting of State Committee and stayed until after ten– not enough members to make a quorum– felt too weary to write went to bed midnight [p. 297] {p. 223}

Yesterday George M. Cannon spoke to me about being a candidate for the Legislature– This morning he approached me again and I consented to be nominated for the Senate. I went to the Convention having been invited to sit on the platform as one of the State Committee. Judge [Elias A.] Smith made the nominating speech and did it will quite p[r]actical– and Geo. M. Cannon seconded it also several others Jennie Hill Edna L. Smith Elizabeth [Ferguson] Price and two or three gentlemen– however I only received 124 ballots and needed one hundred more– [William L.] Pickard & [Gill S.] Peyton were elected– then Apostle John Henry Smith nominated me in a very complimentary speech for the House– and several people seconded the motion– I withdrew from the Convention because I was weary of the proceedings [p. 298] {p. 224}

Today I have been agonized beyond expression– so many have been in to see me and talk of yesterday’s proceedings– This morning at Belle’s though the girls were nice about it I could quite understand the sentiment. At evening I went to Annie’s I had seen her during the day and she had expressed her sorrow that I had allowed my name to be brought up. I had many congratulations as well as expressions of sympathy. Many ladies think it only right that I should be elected even the opposite party– I am not sure which is the right course to pursue but am determined to stand for women– [p. 299] {p. 225}

Wrote all the morning & felt very weary, went to the Tabernacle in the afternoon– Joseph Coulam & Benjamin Goddard preached and then George Q. Cannon Came home and wrote other letters then went up to see Annie and the children Stayed until late then wrote again. I have been very uneasy & restless– at night I felt more so still– I have not the heart to do or to try even the things that seem important– I want to write poems and other things but am so restless that my mind is not in a fit condition– [p. 300] {p. 226}

The Reaper’s Club met today a very poor program after all the notices that had been sent out– only Mrs. Druce, Miss Druce, Minnie [Permelia Horne] James, Clara James, Mrs. Morris, Mrs. [Eleanor Oates] Long, Mrs. [Annie Taylor] Hyde <Mrs.> Thomas, Mrs. Stevenson, Mrs. Dougall, & Mrs. [E. B.] Wells. Afterwards Annie came then Mrs. Caine and Dr. M. H. Cannon– and Annie Cope, who had been in the morning for the picture and sketch of my life for a New York paper– I gave her 2– steel engravings– and looked up notices I had in newspapers. [p. 301] {p. 227}

This morning went to a meeting of the Woman’s Council in the City & County Building and afterwards to the meeting of the State Kindergarten Ass’n. in the University Building have been very nervous & felt exhausted–

Mr. & Mrs. Morton [and May Blossom] Lindley of San Francisco came to see me today– they bought one of my books leather cover– and insisted on my writing my name in it so as to have my autograph– I went to see Annie & she had heard from John Q. that he was better– and I came home feeling better– felt very ill and worried over my own <affairs–> [p. 302] {p. 228}

Wrote to Dr. M. H. Cannon this morning in bed– also to Miss Cope sent off the manuscript have been busy all day– and had many hindrances. The weather is simply delightful– never a more beautiful fall– letters not very satisfactory– went out with Annie about some Red Cross affairs– had a pleasant ride– I am troubled over financial matters very much in fact it hinders all enjoyment for me. I feel quite unequal to the ordinary occupations of life with so much staring me in the face that is embarrassing. I have written my Relief Society Record quite complete had a letter from Verona today containing money remittance– and other letters also– [p. 303] {p. 229}

The Queen of Denmark¹¹ is dead at 81 years old, she has been a very remarkable woman & has been styled Mother-in-law to the half of Europe.

Susa & Zina have been to see me– talking over affairs of National Council– most exuberantly– went down to see Sister E. S. Taylor and then to a meeting at Mrs. O. J. Salisbury’s of the George Washington Memorial Committee– the Hall was full of ladies of course I was late because of Susa Young Gates & Zina Young Card hindering me at the last moment. However afterr meeting I stayed to dinner and had a pleasant hour’s conversation and then called at Mrs. J. E. Bamberger’s and met Mr. Hanauaer¹² and Mrs. Siegel and her son, and came home late of course Constance has been all the week mailing– [p. 304] {p. 230}

I could not go to the Kindergarten meeting at the Webster school building as the hour was so near the other meeting yesterday but did what I could at the meeting in the office today– of the Utah Kindergarten who are to establish a Sunday School Kindergarten training class. Several unpleasant things have happened today to disturb me. Press Club this evening fine paper on the Empress [Elisabeth] of Austria who has just been assinated & died immediately present Dr. Pratt, Dr. Shipp, Ella Hyde, Ruth Fox, Margaret Caine, Lydia Alder, Helen Kimball, E. B. Wells–

Went to Ladies Literary in the afternoon, took French Circulars– pleasant time, Mrs. Royal [Royle] noticed me specially also Mrs. [Anne Maddison] Bradley & [Blanche Smith] Lewis and Miss [Blanche] Kimball–

we are to incorporate the Utah Woman’s Press Club– [p. 305] {p. 231}