I begin to feel a little better have written some notes to my friends a few of them asking them to Helen [Mar Kimball] Whitneys tomorrow Also spoke to Sister [Bathsheba W.] Smith about going to Tooele. Helen drove over here yesterday in a carriage and we had a little visit. I have tried hard to get on with my mailing but it seems almost impossible. I am so desirous of writing and have already started two or three poems and no time seems to be given me to finish them. I am hurried off in the morning and even then arrive late. So little time had a French lesson tonight. went home late so weary [p. 84] {p. 86}

This is Lucile’s birthday and I sent her off a birthday card and had such a time to get ready and then went round to Pres. Taylor’s in the 14th, Ward and invited Sister [Mary Mitchell] Pitchforth to go with me. She was ready in a few minutes and we went together, there were about 13 ladies and we had a little meeting Sister Horne presided. She gave me a neck tie of pink ribbon with embroidered ends in her own work. Very pretty done in chenille. Lydia Ann had one of her numb spells just as we were at supper. I called on Sister Eliza in the evening and went up to Lydia Ann’s [p. 85] {p. 87}

Today is Fast day Annie went to the meeting and I had to go before the Grand Jury in the burglary affair. The Deputies came with a subpoena last night and frightened me awfully when I was at home alone. Sister [Rachel Ivins] Grant has been in to seee me today in fact she comes almost every day. It is said that the Bill has become a law without the signature of the President and the flags are floating to the breeze in honor of their victory. Such an outrage to rejoice over but we can afford to wait our time. Emma Abbotts company is here [p. 86] {p. 88}

<Lydia Ann came over to tell me word had come that the Esquire had landed in New York on the Alaska> Today the news about the Bill seems corroborated yet one scarcely knows what to believe. It is the opinion generally that the people will take the oath.¹ It will certainly be better than letting the country go over to the minority who want to rob and despoil us of all our rights and property. I went twice to the drses-maker’s [dress-maker’s] to see and get a dress fitted made over from Louie’s Lady June dress she had in the Patience Opera. I am so tired and it seems as if nothing could be accomplished on such short days. The people are keeping very cool and no excitement at all. Had a letter from Louie today she is sick I am sure and it troubles me much [p. 87] {p. 89}

Priesthood meeting today and also meeting in the 14th Ward. Tried very hard to get every thing done so as to go to the meeting but have not accomplished it. No more satisfactory news I have my pass today on the Utah Central Railway. Went up to see Aunt Eliza and tell her I was going to the Conference at Brigham City. She looked pretty well and seemed much pleased Madame Young B. B [Brigham B. Young]’s. wife has another son.² The teachers paid a visit here this evening and appointed a block meeting here for Monday next. Had a letter from Polly today from St. Louis. [p. 88] {p. 90}

Staid in bed late and then went up in the buggy to the House and Post Office and to Mell’s and took her with me to the graveyard and to call on [Louisa] Lula Greene Richards who is sick. Came home late and spent the evening with Annie getting ready to go in the morning, preparing copy and lots of things of that sort. I was so disappointed in not getting a letter from Louie today. O how sad is my heart and yet I cannot say so, I will not wear my heart upon my sleeve. Died in my own heart, lie buried in my inmost soul; my own little baby my very last one to go away from me where I cannot see her again for so long a time [p. 89] {p. 91}

Yesterday I presented Bishop [Hiram B.] Clawson with a History of Salt Lake City elegantly bound.³ This morning John Q. took me to the Depot to take the Railway train for Ogden. Had a pleasant time saw Bishop [Frederick] Kesler on his way to Logan. At Ogden we had to wait such a tedious time but once on our way we were soon at Brigham City Station– Arriving there the bands were playing and voting going on. Our people are taking the oath which is administered under the Edmunds Tucker Law. I suggested the propriety of some woman offering to vote in order to make a test case and Miss Parinthia Snow went and offered to vote– [p. 90] {p. 92}

Yesterday I called on Mrs. Susanna [Neff] Booth and Mrs. Eleanor [Houtz Snow] & Mrs. Sarah Ann [Prichard] Snow. Minnie [Sarah Ephramina Jensen Snow] came over to see me and we had quite a pleasant afternoon. Went to bed early and slept pretty well. This morning went up to the meeting house after having called on Minnie and gone over her new house Spoke about half an hour and ten minutes in the morning meeting, met some acquaintances and many strangers. The Marshalls succeeded in arresting two brethren after diligent search. Spoke again in afternoon meeting and took the train at five o’clock came on home At Ogden saw the telegram of [Henry Ward] Beecher’s death which occurred this morning [p. 91] {p. 93}

Came home safe, and found all well. This morning went up with John Q. found one brief note from Louie I know from her writing that she is suffering very much. Lena [Helena Fobes] Wells has had a relapse and is dangerously ill. June has been telegraphed for but cannot arrive until Saturday night. The Tithing Office is all changed and the name is Church Association of the Salt Lake Stake of Zion. It does seem something dreadful when we are not permitted to say General Tithing Office. Had a meeting at my house to night. 25 persons present Br. Larsen presiding. Came home afterwards. [p. 92] {p. 94}

Last night Q. was taken with croup suddenly. We sent for John Q. he came over and staid by him all night. His attack was violent and it needed quick remedies. This morning he is better but his cough is hoarse. Came up town alone & did some errands, went for one sister and then another to go to Tooele in place of Sister Grant who failed to keep her appointment on account of not being well. Mailed some papers had a letter from Belle and feel so down-hearted because I know as long as Louie could write to me she would. My heart is so sad and I cannot talk of it to any one. [p. 93] {p. 95}

Q. had kind of a bad night. Annie was up almost all night with him I went up town with Wilhelm, early and worked all day quite steadily. wrote a letter to Louie and received one from Belle, saying Louie was not able to write and so on It gives me so much sorrow to know she is away and I cannot get to her I wish she could come home I am in a state of nervous anxiety all the time. Martha came to see me today and told me that she believed the Esquire & Hannah [Free Wells] were already in Canada, but I do not however. I think he is in New York somewhere I have had some strangers today Sent Louie one of Miss Mulock’s books today [p. 94] {p. 96} “His Little Mother.”

This morning went up with John Q. and found lots of mail waiting. No news in particular, but have been kept very busy. Called at the Lion House on Aunt Eliza found her very feeble also called upon Sister Susan [Susannah Snively] Young. Annie came up and traded a little at the Coop.⁴ Had a letter from Dot. very pretty indeed. Gave Annie [John L.] Tupper’s poems yesterday. Annie called at Talulah’s today, Sister Minerva W. Snow came to ask some advice from me in reference to her affairs Came down home with Annie. I do feel so worried about Louie I cannot rest at all scarcely [p. 95] {p. 97}

Went up before 8 o’clock called for Sister M. I. Horne to go with me to wash & anoint a sister from Pleasant Grove who is to have an Ovarian Tumor removed today. Eveline Walker Iverson. Afterwards called to see June and spoke to Ort about administering to Sister E. W. Iverson in the evening Wrote a letter to Louie and mailed it, then drove home. Annie was busy preparing dinner. It was a beautiful day & every thing seemed nice here but my heart was far away with my sweet baby. O how sad. In the evening we had a fire in the parlor and a pleasant time. John Q. was absent came home about ten. [p. 96] {p. 98}

This morning went up early with John Q. found all right, no letter from Annie Louie to me but at mid-day John Q. had a few lines in pencil & it was sad and sorrowful to me. The Dr. said the complaint troubling her had been coming on for years and he could pull her through if he could stave off the other until the proper time. Went to Hospital meeting and afterwards to see Sister Eliza she is feeble and her feet and legs are swollen. Annie came up for me & she and May drove to the graveyard. Lucy [Mack] Smiths pictures to accompany the Exponent arrived to day. Some distributed [p. 97] {p. 99}

This morning went up in good time Annie drove and took Louise & Margaret. I went in the Post Office and took Louise and had her weighed. With plush coat on she weighed thirty pounds. I have had a disagreeable day and so many annoyances. No letter from my dear ones far away

There is much talk about taking the oath⁵ and the consistency of it. Sister Grant is making preparations for a surprise on Sister Goddard. I have an invitation sent me to go to Sister Stevensons on Friday with other ladies. Came home early and feeling miserable and low-spirited. [p. 98] {p. 100}

<Postmaster [William C.] Browe died this morning> Today Sister [Hannah Tapfield] King would have been 80 years old. She always said she would tell us when she should be eighty. I miss her very much but I think it is better to die with all one’s faculties than to live on and part with them one by one, and from being perfectly independent come to be a burden on one’s friends Annie went up with me and we heard a lot of her friends were coming down to call. She hurried home and in the afternoon Jule Burton Jote Wells, Lib Wells Male Whitney Em. Piper, Zine Whitney and eight children came and she had a regular party the day before she had Clint, Nab & Talulah and babies with them.⁶ [p. 99] {p. 101}

Seven years today since Annie was married, She feels very downcast & does not mean to receive any calls. I sent home a China water pitcher and half a dozen glasses. John Q. bought her a beautiful dress pattern cameline soft goods. A charming color In the afternoon Aunt Martha [Harris Wells] Aunt Susan [Alley Wells] and Minnnie [Emily] Read went down to see her so after all she had rather a nice day I think[.] Guy Prince has gone to be used in the Office of the Juvenile [Instructor] and John Q. has taken Romeo to use instead.⁷ I am almost distracted with toothache and neuralgia, Went to Sister Goddards late and took her a mulle necktie with embroidered ends. She is seventy today [p. 100] {p. 102}

I never passed such a wretched day in the Office My pain was extreme, it was all I could do to keep my senses. Suffering with my head and teeth and having many annoyances. I have been to see Sister Eliza every day but felt I should do her more harm than good if I went in today, so only inquired after her. She is much worse I am told and the Dr. thinks her dangerous. Came home and took quinine and other things had my feet in a mustard bath and went immediately to bed. had a short letter from Louie today answering some of my questions. My heart is well nigh broken [p. 101] {p. 103}

I could not go to Sister Stevenson’s today altho’ wished to very much indeed. Feel a little better this morning, went up to see Aunt Eliza & found her so bright that I was utterly astonished, heard that Wm. [William B.] Smith the Patriarch had been in & administered to her. She was picking out flowers & arranging them, some Mrs. Jennings had sent her. I went to work at my mailing and sending off my pictures. Sister Horne, Sister Taylor Sister [Elizabeth Anderson] Howard Sister Clawson & several other Sisters have been in also Bishop Whitney and lots of people on business and strangers every day this week Annie came up for me. I felt very ill. [p. 102] {p. 104}

I went up home and tried to do a little of my writing and see after the house and look at my garden and enjoy the feeling of my own home.

I offered up many prayers and dedicated my all anew to the Lord the messages of love I have received from Louie are a great comfort to me but her health is a constant worriment and I cannot tell what can be done. I am sure she will do her best to live for my sake and it may be I can go to her before long Mr. [Septimus Wagstaff] Sears is hourly expected and then we shall hear more I suppose of the folks then O how dreadful to be separated as we are and no prospect of being gathered again [p. 103] {p. 105}

Mr. Sears arrived & brought me some nice presents from the girls Belle sent me a dress Louie a shawl and Sep a paper knife all nicely done up together and besides a pair of Jersey corsets. I am trying to get my dress from [Julia] Swenson but she puts me off very much, Mr. Sears is kind and in good spirits and seems to be doing well in his business. He drove down to Annie’s and had lunch. was quite sociable with John Q. Annie & the children the weather is fine and Spring seems near. Louie’s apricot tree is in bloom and looks so handsome [p. 104] {p. 106}

Today was Carrie Granger [Snyder]’s birthday she would have been 34 I think I suppose Lucy would feel her loss greatly today as she dwells much upon times and seasons. We are all feeling badly Louise has a bad cold and my neuralgia is something dreadful Mrs. [Mary Knowlton] Hooper is dead. Libbie [Elizabeth Hooper Dunbar] only came from Omaha last evening too late for her mother to recognize her. Hattie [Harriet Hooper Young] came from Cascade Falls sometime before. It is a sad death and so many children to leave without a mother’s guidance. Had a French lesson tonight Went home late a very cold raw wind [p. 105] {p. 107}

This is Annie’s Sears birthday and she is to be married 19. today has gone to the Logan Temple, her mother⁸ with her and will be home tomorrow when the Reception will be given at 8 in the evening. Numerous presents have already arrived and there will be quite a gathering She is a very sweet looking girl, her father⁹ is here solely to attend the wedding. Lydia Ann has been talking to me again about May & Ort. I am so tired of the subject, I do wish she would drop it. Aunt Eliza grows worse and sleeps a great deal almost all the time [p. 106] {p. 108}

The wedding day and all is well. had many strangers today and much interuption with my work. feeling so badly I scarce know what to do but striving to bear all in meekness & patience and in humble submission to the will of God, and try to acknowledge his hand in all things. The day has been busy & some unpleasant things have transpired which have annoyed me very much indeed. Some people have no idea of how or when to speak My nervous condition renders me so sensitive to influences of all kinds that it is wearing upon me daily [p. 107] {p. 109}

Here we are nearing the close of March and no storm yet although we have been expecting and praying for one many days and there is no indication except that we believe it will come. I have been making up my mind all this week to have my teeth out but my courage is not as good as it ought to be considering my age and experience. Still I hope to succeed for I cannot bear such fearful things as the jumping tooth ache and neuralgia. Every night I believe Annie thinks it will be done when I go down home & is sorely disappointed [p. 108] {p. 110}

Today my pain and agony has been most intense & I do not think I shall fail today. In the afternoon the pain grew worse, I arranged with Dr. Pratt to give me Chloroform and Alma Dunford to take out my teeth They drove down to Annie’s we had a fire in her bedroom and everything carefully fixed for the night I took the chloroform and the teeth were soon out, but there was no denonstration and after all was over I went to bed and Annie sat up all the night with me as I was very nervous & she did not lie down at all but waited up all night [p. 109] {p. 111}

Laid in bed all day felt so very queer and could not get much quiet or composure with my nerves. Annie waited on me all day long. It was a fine day and we had some walking out, John Q. went to evening meeting and we were alone. Children were very good, Aunt Delia [Adelia West Hoagland] came over to see us in the meantime and chatted gaily on interesting topics and quite beguiled the weary hours. My pain did not seem to be gone but I slept some and had great hopes of getting the best of the neuralgia, Birds sang sweetly and today was altogether a very lovely one [p. 110] {p. 112}

Kate’s birthday and as I was not able to go out to purchase anything I got Talulah to go and buy a pretty gold collar button with a pearl set in it. When Annie came up she bought her some collars and cuffs new style. She is 34 today, how long it seems not to be married and yet I am sure Kate would like to be married and have a home of her own and children around her. She sent off a letter to Louie today Lydia Ann has been ove[r] and we renewed our conversation about Ort and May although I am too ill to discuss any subject whatever Annie called in the [William H.] Hoopers [p. 111] {p. 113}

This is a fine warm day Aunt Eliza is much worse and no prospect of her being better soon. I have been in to see her but it is really no satisfaction. She has no strength to talk Her brother¹⁰ has all arranged for her. Sister Howard Dr. Pratt and many others are very attentive I have offered to write letters for her or to all in my power in other ways, but she has required nothing of me. Whether she is a real friend or only one who does for her own sake, I cannot determine. My house is so desolate waited there tonight for John Q. to come from the City Council. So lonely so sad so sorrowful [p. 112] {p. 114}

Nearly the end of March and no storm as yet. It is thought the crops will fail unless we have rain. Drudging in the Office and in much pain all the time. Conference near and many callers also tourists ¹¹|Annie is so weary every night and no help, Margaret & Louise very sweet but very tiresome I feel strangely wrought upon. Cannot tell why more than at other times. It was our Relief Society meeting but I could not attend. Sister [Julia Cruse] Howe has invited me there tomorrow but it will be impossible in my circumstances no teeth and such pain [p. 113] {p. 115}

Today I have been trying hard to get ready for mailing, and also to read proof and get the paper out this week at least. Lydia Ann has been over she is still in anxiety about Ort & May. I should think she would not have the courage to speak to me about anything when I am in such trouble. but she fancies herself the most abused of all the family I suppose. I am not sure that Ort loves May as he ought. The visit at Sister Howe’s was a success so I learned. Thirteen sat down to table together, so they did at Helen’s and Lydia Ann & Susan were the first to rise. It is a very disagreeable day went home early. [p. 114] {p. 116}