Early this morning we were astir expecting to arrive but upon the first inquiry found the train was two hours and fifteen minutes late– We could not eat for excitement and we could get no tea or coffee anywhere. However at last we got to 16th. Street where Belle met us. She cried a great deal at first but at last she calmed down and we went– on board the Steamer and as it was all new to Zine and the children¹ they looked around, but I sat still with my own thoughts. There was a crowd of passengers of all classes and it would have been a study to watch them, but I was too sad in nearing the place where so much suffering had been borne by my darling Louie– [p. 330] {p. 333}

Yesterday afternoon we went out for a walk Belle Zine and I with Louise [Cannon] & Emily [Whitney]. We enjoyed the sunshine and I bought some presents for the children. Kid gloves for Dot Lucile & Emmie, a scarf-pin for Sep. and silk handkerchiefs for Eugene & Brent and fan for Elise. Today is a red letter anniversary for me. Belle forty years old seems like a dream from which I must soon awaken. And I am here in this famous city,² looking upon the great Pacific ocean. We went to the Cliff and our enjoyment of the ocean cannot be described in words. It was to sublime and intense for utterance. We gathered shells and paced up and down the beach, it was low tide– and the water was quite calm. but the noise even then was something awe inspiring [p. 331] {p. 334}

I gave Belle a book called “Sweet Nature”– Annie had sent her a “fine pillow” very pretty, tied with pink and olive green ribbon– Kate and May sent a book and card and Chloe Benedict a silk reticule– of a handkerchief Talulah her photograph– and Mr. Sears gave her a dressing case oxidized silver etc. We had a nice dinner after returning from the Ocean and I had a glass of champagne. Today we went to China town and I bought a cup and saucer very pretty one indeed. have not yet decided to whom I shall present it. we were in so many stores & saw many rare and costly articles. We went through a street devoted to the demimonde where each door bore the name of some young woman such as Angelina, Anna, Mollie & so <forth> [p. 332] {p. 335}

This morning I wrote to Annie[.] Emmie Lucile, Louise & Eugene and also Elise have gone to S. S. Zine & Dot and Emily to Oakland– Belle is cooking dinner and I have caught up in my neglected diary today. Emmie & I went to the house on Pine St. and then to Mrs. Carlie [Caroline Young] Cannon’s saw all the children except Mark [Croxall]. After dinner we went for a walk and in the evening to St. Agnatius Church. A very elegant one inside massive in architecture & many beautiful ornamentations– the sermon was by Father Leo Plato on the words in St. Mathew. 8th. Chapter & 24th verse, and he spiritualized it to mean the storm of anger and wrath that leads to the domestic strife and vice and crime that prevails in the world. Sep took us and came home with <us> [p. 333] {p. 336}

This morning we went to China town and took Louise & Emily & Brent. came home to dinner and went out again to Golden Gate Park Belle and Brent Zine & Emily Myself and Louise; We had some letters to-day– one from Verona, one from Wellsville and a card from Mrs. Colby. In the evening we were all in Belle’s room sitting and visiting. Zine was making her baby a hood (pink flannel and <pink> ribbon.) we had a very nice time Sep. & Dot. were with us. The trip to Golden Gate was a pleasant one, and there were so many beautiful flowers that one might imagine herself in fairy land. I feel very weary all the time more than I like to express and my heart is pained continually. I feel a depression of spirits and cannot [p. 334] {p. 337} account for it.

This morning the paper says Lucy B. [Bigelow Young] Miss M. Young and Mrs. [Evelyn Young] Davis at the Russ House. Lucy B. is on her way to the Islands to be with Susie [Susa Young Gates]. Had a letter from Annie, very sweet and tender. Sent off several Receipts to those who had paid me money In the afternoon Belle Zine & I went with Mr. S. [Sears] to Presidio the military Station, the flowers & vines are very fine. We came back at sunset a grand one indeed. We saw white rats in a cage. A fox tied to a post and a parrot at the way station. Zine Dot & Sep went to the theatre “Tivoli” Mr. Sears down town and Belle and I were left alone to spend one evening by ourselves. Some of the time we passed in sad reminiscences and again in recounting happy remembrances [p. 335] {p. 338}

This morning Belle Zine & myself went to China Town with out Belle and after dinner Belle Zine and I went down town together I hurried home to keep an appointment with Sep. and Zine met Dot & took her to Baldwin’s Theatre to a matinee. This evening reports say [President Grover] Cleveland is elected– and the Democrats are rejoicing. Zine had a letter and picture of Lib sent from home. Sep and I went out to Laurel Hill Cemetery and wandered up and down among the graves. The vines and shrubs & flowering plants are beautiful but not so much so as when I was here, but the sad thoughts of our little nameless baby³ buried there among the unknown is too much for me, and my soul was so pained that I could not rise above the feeling of intense melancholy and it made me sick. [p. 336] {p. 339}

This morning I could not rise I had passed a dreadful night, and was prostrate with grief & intense emotion. Zine went down town and I finished a letter to Annie and also prepared some copy and sent to Esther [Davey Watson] for the paper. I was not equal to any exertion. Republican papers say Cleveland has failed & [Allen G.] Thurman has given up. After dinner Zine and I took Louise & Emily down town and called on Mr. [Hubert Howe] Bancroft the Historian. We found him genial and kindly and he spoke of the crusade as infamous. His wife⁴ was in San Diego, and intending to remain some time. We went to the Golden Rule a Big Toy Store. Bought a set of dishes for Margaret for 50 cts. Republicans in high glee [Benjamin] Harrison elected so they say. Procession this evening. Belle is almost sick with bilious headache [p. 337] {p. 340}

This morning Zine went with me to the Elite Studio and I sat for my picture, afterwards we went around to a few places, and then home to lunch, then with Mr. Sears and Belle to the Stock Exchange in Montgomery St. where we witnessed the Bulls and Bears on the Stocks for about 20 minutes then to the Grand Hotel to see about tickets for Monterey and Santa Cruz and then to Millinery places to select a hat, for me, and then home to dinner. I took Lucile & Em. down town & we had a very pleasant time, came home and spent the evening with Belle & Mr. Sears very agreeably. Wrote to Emeline tonight have packed up for starting in the morning, to Monterey Sent off Sweetie’s letter to Louise [Trautwein]. Mr. Sears & Belle have gone up to bed and I am here alone– [p. 338] {p. 341}

This morning had coffee in my room, bade Belle and the children good-bye and Louise with them and came on the train for Monterey, Stopped off at San Jose went hunting Zine’s aunt found one of her cousins and talked a little while, saw Mrs. Nichols who told Zine her aunt was at Pacific Grove. We dined at the Lick Hotel and registered there: then went to Mrs. O. [Oscar] J. Reeve’s [Carol Talbot Reeve] a grand-daughter of Uncle Sam [Samuel F]. Whitney’s and there we met Miss Olive Reeve[s]– from Willoughby. also Howard [E.] Talbot from the same place. The mother’s name was Susan [Whitney Talbot] Uncle Sam’s daughter. Mrs. Reeve knew Ort. when he was in Kirtland on his first mission. She was very kind to us and took us out in her cart to “The Willows,” to hunt up Mrs. [Marilla Young] Ricker, who had already left there so we found on inquiry & left our cards, came back and caught the train to Monteray. [p. 339] {p. 342}

Here we are at the famous Del Monte Hotel– have had dinner, and in a room <in third story> comfortably lighted and with two front windows, sit writing. This morning we went out after breakfast which I took in my own room, and veiwed the house and grounds, went in to the parlor for a few moments and then to the stables where we arranged for a carriage to go to the beach and around the drive, Zine drove a horse and buggy. We went the entire distance but could not get to the Old Mission which I shall always regret as it was one of the dreams of my life. But Fate so ordered it and I must submit. After our return & supper or dinner, we went over the Hotel, it has 4,50 rooms and will accommodate 800 people. But my one thought is of the sea, I hear, I see it, I feel its grandeur & sublimity in my inmost soul– [p. 340] {p. 343}

Today we left the Del Monte by the early train and went to Santa Cruz– Went to the Wilkin House, breakfasted there then drove to the seashore where we had a lovely view and bought some shells, had a splendid team and drove over to the Big trees, then we stayed about three hours & a half waiting and examining the grounds saw what is said to be the biggest trees in America and met a Dutch Professor of Art And Antiquity. We returned on the narrow gauge with a pleasant party and a very delightful route seeing many new scenes & places. Came across the Bay from Alameda by moonlight in the boat Encinal Sep met us at the Station and we reached home all right, found all well and lots of mail waiting for us when we came [p. 341] {p. 344}

Last night I went immediately to bed after dinner I was so utterly exhausted. This morning we <Zine> went down town but I was too worn out for any exertion. Stayed in all day and visited with the children and Belle sat in the parlor and looked over books and so on talked of home answered some letters; in years to come I trust the children will remember with a degree of pleasure my visit to their home in San Francisco. Good news from home, but great exultation among the outsiders.⁵ Very nice letter from Annie but it made me feel very bad to hear of Geo. Q’s illness and I do hope nothing will happen to him. I want him to grow up a good Latter day Saint. [p. 342] {p. 345}

This morning Louise’s eyes were sore and I felt very bad as I wanted to take her to a picture gallery to have her photograph taken, so I went alone to the Elite on Market Street, and sat for my picture again, then to the Woman’s Exchange to inquire for Pundita Ramabai, and then home, the first time I had been down town alone. In the afternoon Belle Zine & I went to some stores and to Dr. [Solomon S.] Stambaugh’s Office on Clay St. He was very glad to see us and Belle invited him up to spend an evening. We came home and dined and Mr. Sears and Zine retired early Belle and I sat talking later and soon came a ring at the door bell who should it be but the Dr. Mr. Sears rose and dressed, we [p. 343] {p. 346} all went into the parlor, the first time I had seen it lighted since I came. He stayed until eleven o’clock and past. So much was recalled thro’ his visit of the terrible past, the agony and suffering so intense & the sorrow that followed it. He invited us to visit some Hospitals the following day which we accepted.

Today Zine and myself went down town to some Chinese places and took Louise with us, put a veil on her Belle went with us we made a few more purchases, Louise did not enjoy it as much as we expected she would. In the afternoon Zine & I. went with the Dr. through the Receiving Hospital and St. Mary’s a Catholic institution near the Chinese & Japanese shipping points, we had a pleasant visit there [p. 344] {p. 347}

Last night the rain commenced and this morning it actually poured down. The heavy fog lay over the sea so that the water was not distinguishable. Zine was getting ready to go. She went down town with Lucile and completed her purchases. Little Emily was quite impatient to be on her way. After lunch and so forth Belle and myself went out with Zine and crossed over the Bay in the Piedmont the boat on which John Q. and I left San Francisco when we were taking Louie home. It gave me solemn feelings, the day was gloomy too. We went on the train with her saw her safe in her section, and then returned on the Oakland. Reached home all right but the rain soon began to pour down terribly a dreadful night rain [p. 345] {p. 348} incessant, Wrote my editorial.⁶

This morning was still worse no such thing as stirring out children all at home such a noise. After lunch Dot, Lucile and myself went out on the car, we were almost drenched through. Went to Newman & Levison’s big-dry-goods-store then to the Golden Rule Bazar and from thence to a Bookstore, and we were glad to go home, there was no pleasure whatever, the rain and mud and gloom was fearful. At night I finished my editorial and we visited up in Belle’s room, she asked me all the questions she could about people she used to know. I sat up later than anyone in the house, in fact they all retire early, and rise in good time, more than usual noise in the <streets> [p. 346] {p. 349}

<Today there was an earthquake Belle felt the shock> Today so unpleasant that I dare not let Louise go out. Wrote a letter to Annie, Belle cooked dinner as it was the Sunday for Elise to go out. Mr. Sears was not very well, and Belle had quite a serious time withal. I dressed in my new green cashmere for dinner and put on Louise’s best in honor of the day, as we do not expect to be here much more than one more day or two at the farthest. I read “Gleanings from the Fields,” by Florence Bailey, a book Rob had given to Belle, and a book on “Flowers” in poetry, also the “Shepherd Lady” by Jean Ingelow and the daily “Chronicle.” Mr. Sears went up to see the exiles and in the evening Eugene sung for us his little songs. Altogether it was a quiet and enjoyable day. [p. 347] {p. 350}

<Letter from Mell this morning> This morning soon after breakfast Belle and I went down town to see the proof of my photo. and to look at some children’s coats. Saw the proof thought it pretty good and did some shopping. Mr. S. at lunch time told us George Romney was in town, he was quite sad & worried seemingly. After lunch we took Louise down town & bought her a brown silk coat. went to China town again, and I purchased a scarf pink crape for Verona’s birthday present. Came home and went away to Glen Park Avenue alone, asked at the house No. 21, to be allowed to see the up stairs rooms. The lady Mrs. Seigel consented at last but of course went in with me, and I stood by the bed where my darling lay and by the window where she used to look out at the sunshine, I saw the place [p. 348] {p. 351} where she lay when dead the windows from which she viewed the Park for the last time. I descended the staircase where they carried her coffin down. I went over all those agonies again, in thought. How she suffered! O, her agony! It is too dreadful to think of.

<last eve. Geo. Romney came> This morning the rain poured down in torrents, and we could not go out, but after lunch Belle and I went to the Ocean we had coffee at the Cliff House and gazed upon the sea, then we went down upon the beach and wandered up and down picking up shells and pebbles and talking over our past and present. It was quite a happy time, for we were all alone, and I shall always remember our day at the seashore. Many ships were in sight and the waves flowed in and out. [p. 349] {p. 352}

A more unpleasant evening than any one since I came and yet I am so soon to go away, this morning early we went down and I to the mint where I saw Bishop [Nymphus C.] Murdock & wife of Charleston but they did not see me. I went thro’ it and saw them go thro’ the several processes. I came home via Carlie Cannon’s and saw the children, when I came home Mrs. Cannon was here to see me. she stayed to lunch with us. Then Belle & I went to Morse’s and had Louise’s picture taken, with her cloak on and her cloak off. came back and went to the Old Mission Church built in 1776. by the Spanish, It is well worth seeing. Came back by Glen Park to get another view of the dear place. Judge Cotton and Ed. Holton of St. Louis were here to dinner [p. 350] {p. 353} Belle had cooked a turkey.

We had a very wet morning, but as we could not go out we talked over everything and prepared to start home. Belle had dinner at noon instead of lunch and we enjoyed the turkey stew and other nice dishes. Belle came on with me to 16th St. We crossed the Bay on the Oakland, Lucile & Emmie came to bid me goodbye to the boat Mr. Sears brought me a bottle of wine, Our parting was sad, the rain was drizzling and Belle went over to Oakland to look up Nellie Colebrook I settled down in my seat to try and rest myself and think over what had transpired. There was a little lady in next section to us who looked something like my darling Louie. We went to bed in good time but Louise was very restless [p. 351] {p. 354}

The next <This> morning was fine and Louise’s eyes were better we found that a distinguished passenger had come on the train Senator [William M.] Stewart of Nevada, during the day we had some conversation and I found he knew George Q. Cannon very well indeed and also my husband and other leading men. He is a bitter opponent of our people. The little lady is getting very friendly with Louise. The day has been tedious and Louise has been car sick. I have not been feeling well either was very faint this morning, began to think I was going to give out but feel better to night. Louise is a little better too I believe We are nearing our beloved Utah and I trust shall find all well and glad to welcome us. Senator Stewart has been expressing himself freely [p. 352] {p. 355} about Utah to some gentlemen on the train.

This morning arrived in Ogden at 8 o’clock John Q. Annie and Margaret came in the carriage and Q. on Gipsey to the train to meet us. I went up to the house and had breakfast and then drove back to catch the Salt Lake train at ten. Found Emeline in the Office, and everything all right. Lots of letters waiting for me, one of them from my husband. Went over to the house to dinner, saw almost all the family; several of the sisters came in during the afternoon, in the evening my trunk came and I unpacked it, gave Emeline one of my Chinese cups and saucers, and little Sandford a Japanese box slept here all alone. [p. 353] {p. 356}

<Yesterday I bought a handsome book a wedding present for Jessie Davey [Brimley]> This morning at 8 o’clock went to the depot and took the train for Ogden, found the carriage waiting for me, All so glad to see me, little Louise delighted. John Q. had a sore heel, and is suffering with it very much. Annie is so lame & stiff she scarcely knows what to do. We had a lovely day talking everything over and had an elaborate dinner, and in the evening we had a nice lunch in the parlor, a cheerful fire in the open stove and the children recited pieces and sung little hymns and songs, & altogether it was a very enjoyable evening, it seemed so nice to be at home again, and yet there are many drawbacks to our happiness in coming together remembering how unbroken our circle was in the past. [p. 354] {p. 357}

<Ort Whitney was returning from Brigham City> Came down on the train this morning Emeline was here at work and trying to get the mailing done. There are so many errors in the paper I cannot bear to look at it. We have been more than busy trying to accomplish something I went to the Post Office and on some other errands & we had Sister Zina & Sister Kimball here to see me. Sister Horne’s daughter Lizzie [Elizabeth Horne Webb] is lying very low in her home at Oasis and Sister Horne is there with her. My sister Adeline [Woodward Earl] has returned from the East and has sent for me to come and see her. This evening I went up to Mell’s old house and to Ort Whitney’s and then to John T. Caine’s, and found they had had a wedding Joseph [E.] Caine & Annie [Corinne] Hooper were married by Judge [Elias A. Smith [p. 355] {p. 358}

John T. Caine and wife left for Washington last evening by the Owl train; today Ort has been in to see me. but we have not had any time to talk except when on the train yesterday morning. He told me quite a number of things that were new to me. There is a great deal of sickness in the city at the present time. We are still tugging away at the mailing, and have had lots of interruptions. Sister [Jane Snyder] Richards has been in ever so many times today and also Aunt Zina. I went to the Marshall’s Office and got a permit to go to the Penitentiary to see Br. [George Q.] Cannon and Abram [A.] Kimball for myself and Aunt Zina– Sister Richards means to go with us. I am very weary tonight sat up very late and tried to get off some letters to friends [p. 356] {p. 359}

<Nett [Culmer]’s birthday gave her a little Chinese tub> This morning at nine o’clock Sister Zina Sister Richards and myself started for the Penitentiary. We were in a buggy I had to sit in the middle to drive, had a horse from Grant Bro’s stables, my knees ached terribly going and coming. We requested the guard to let us see the brethren whose names were on our permit and they brought them to the Round house in the yard where we had the privilege of conversing with them for half an hour. We were shown through the new apartments which are much better than the old. They are making great preparations for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow Br. Cannon did not at all become the striped clothing & indeed it made me feel very bad indeed to see him tho’ he was apparently cheer<ful> [p. 357] {p. 360}

This morning went off on the 8 o’clock train to Ogden Annie came down to meet me, had breakfast, and went out again for a little ride, drove up to the Reform School grounds, the building has been commenced. We had a nice fire in the parlor and sat there through the day, John Q. is sick not able to go to his work and Annie is so lame she can scarcely move. The children have all been ailing more or less. The dinner turned out to be a perfect success the Turkey was very delicious cranberry sauce fresh oysters and a variety of good things, and we all ate our dinners with relish. Had a very pleasant evening, reading talking and playing with the children, late supper on the round table in the parlor– [p. 358] {p. 361}

Came on ten o’clock train to Salt Lake. Br. & Sister Goddard who had been on the train Thanksgiving morning with me were going home and we had a nice visit, Sister Goddard and I both going to Ogden and returning. Came home and went to work at the mailing, and preparing copy for the press as well,

Talulah went with Lieut. [Richard W.] Young’s wife [Minerva Richards Young] and children to Portland started this morning Aunt Zina too Allie [Alice] Hooper and Sid [Sidney K. Hooper] as well I saw them in Ogden, went out on some errands today this evening sat up very late and finished the mailing, tired almost beyond recovery even by sleep, tomorrow I go to Provo with Sister Richards She came down on the train this evening– [p. 359] {p. 362}