Arrived at the Office late as usual and set to work vigorously to finish up proofreading <ready> for the press. Have been busy very, called on R [Richard] K Thomas and got an advertisement for the paper. Aunt Zina came to see me. I staid up town this evening and finished my letter to my husband It is snowing fast to night. Drove home late with John Q. my teeth are hurting me dreadfully and making me very nervous. Funeral of the child killed by accident this afternoon dined at Lydia Ann’s Conversation on love and matrimony. Do not feel very well tonight [p. 56] {p. 58}

This morning read my revise and finished the letter to my husband 12 pages, bought some little gifts a charm to send to Sep and lovely valentine for my husband, to send to England. Paper is now out for the first, short letter from Louie, says Belle has a new piano. Annie drove up to fetch me. No news much except that there is a reward offered for Geo. Q. Cannon and John Taylor.¹ Wrote several letters to the sisters this evening in different places. I feel very weary and can scarcely keep up. How anxious I am to get on with my work and not always be in such a hurry [p. 57] {p. 59}

We rose rather early and Annie went to Fast meeting and took an offering of money tea sugar & flour. I went on up town and began my work. Went over and had dinner at the big house. Had many callers and tried hard to get some things done. Asked Kate to go down with me, but she excused herself on account of her lessons When I went home found them all looking so nice and comfortable, children so sweet. Had a pleasant evening. though we were all tired and weary. I had enjoyed the ride down very much indeed although I was alone & melancholy, the dry leaves and branches made a melody in the wind. [p. 58] {p. 60}

I went up with Wilhelm² it was a dull day. Anna [Hamilton] came to wash and so I went down to lunch a letter came from Louie and it made me feel very sad and sorrowful. I could not be cheerful. Things are not so prosperous as I would like and it grieves me beyond expression I have been mailing all day long. went home late met Mr. [John E.] Pilcher & Woodmancy on the Street they were very friendly and courteous. Staid at home alone waiting for the City Council to adjourn and looked over some letters of importance Drove home very late & had such a lovely supper everything nice & easy. [p. 59] {p. 61}

Went up with Annie folks there waiting for me a very busy day and working so hard and never went out all day had so many people in and so much conversation. Copy to get ready too. So much going on all the time & no one seems to be free from the heavy burden, Anna came to iron the clothes and put them away, So it still remains at [a] home without a head or dictatur. I have been giving each one my pa◊p◊t◊◊◊ Came home very late with Wilhelm, went to the Herald Office to speak my mind Where I got a notice published³ all is well at home but worry about those <away> [p. 60] {p. 62}

This morning staid in bed late to rest however I made up my mind to go to meeting and drove up alone George M. Cannon & O. F. Whitney were the speakers, a very large congregation, went home directly without scarcely seeing any one and had a good time in meditation on the way. Met J. [John] Q. on his way to the Ward meeting, such a change has come to us all that I cannot possibly account for. It seems sometimes as though it must be a terrible dream from which we should awake once more to find our selves all right as we once were again. Pleasant evening spent in Annie’s parlor [p. 61] {p. 63}

Came up with J. Q. no word from Louie for me the Mayor and Judge⁴ of the County both gone East on business. Letters came from Louie today. Work work for me. Went up to see Aunt Eliza Decision in the Snow case in Washington in our favor.⁵ He will be at liberty now to counsel and advise the people. It seems to have lifted a load from the Saints. Went to a meeting at Dr. Maggie [Margaret Curtis] Shipp’s, <Aunt> Zina presided, there was much good speaking from the sisters 20 were present and spoke drove down to Annie’s in time for her to attend the Meeting at Uncle John [Hoagland]’s felt very nervous and head ached fearfully. low spirited too [p. 62] {p. 64}

⁶Feb. 7. At a meeting at Dr. Maggie C. Shipps Aunt Zina presided sung O, my Father prayer by me sung Come let us anew, first speaker B. W. [Bathsheba Wilson Bigler] Smith M. I. Horne Maggie Y. [Margaret Young] Taylor Rida [Jane Marie Capener] Taylor Lizzie Stevensen [Elizabeth Du Fresne Stevenson] Ellis Shipp Phebe [Phoebe Young] Beattie Mrs. White Maggie Shipp Mary [Ann Burnham] Freeze Maria Dougall Louie [Louisa Capener] Taylor Dr. [Elvira Stevens] Barney E. B. Wells Edna [Lambson] Clawson, Smith Mary J. [Hillstead] Shipp,

closed with benediction by M. A. Freeze Elizabeth Stevenson M. W. [Maria W. Richards] Wilcox Elmina Taylor Sister Hendrickson Mira [Almira Young] Russell⁷ [p. 392] {p. 391}

<Sister Stevenson’s birthday gave her Ivory Tablets> Sent off today 2 <Salt Lake> Heralds to Belle. Sunday & Tuesday’s May [Wells]’s letter to Louie & a valentine portfolio White Satin blue cord & tassells gilt letters. and clover blossoms on one side with the verse As to the clover flies the bee So I to thee. On the other wild flowers and grasses. with the verse Who that has loved knows not the tender tale Which flowers reveal when lips are coy to tell.

and inside two valentines & two poems. Sent others at the same time. Went to Sister Stevenson’s birthday party, she was 49 years old. She invited all present to come on her next birthday and each bring her husband we had a nice company visit I went home and wrote to Louie. Went down late with John Q. [p. 63] {p. 65}

<Letter from Louie dated the 6th. very sad indeed.> Came up with John Q. and went direct to the Office had to go to see a poor sick woman and called on Aunt Eliza, had some strangers to see me took them up to the Lion House to see Aunt Eliza. Annie came up and went to [James P. and Sarah Hammer] Dwyers. Margie [Margaret Dwyer] had some of the girls there Clint [Clarissa Young Spencer], Male B. [Marion Beatie] Whitney & Talulah I took a little more mail and then went after Annie we came home together and John Q. stayed the evening and played a game of authors with us. Annie wrote a letter to Emma [W. Sears]. She was very melancholy and seemed unusually depressed and wrought upon. I could scarcely contain myself and it was very hard for us both [p. 64] {p. 66}

Went up late was not feeling well found Sarah Jane [Jenne] Cannon waiting also Mrs. [Jennie Beeson] Whipple on business. had lunch at Lydia Ann’s worked very hard all day at the mailing. Aunt Zina came to see me before going to Logan. Have not heard any news from Washington, had a letter from Louie and one from Mary [Elizabeth Rollins] Lightner There will be an entertainment in the 14th Ward meeting house. Ort will recite Eternal Justice a poem. I finished my letter to Louie and sent it off. Dispatches state that an attempt was made in the Opera House in San Francisco to kill Adelina Patti a bomb exploded too soon [p. 65] {p. 67}

Worked as usual at the mailing and had some supper at home <office>, staid waiting for John Q. couldn’t make the fire burn and was nearly frozen and so terribly nervous, dark as could be and bad roads too in going home. A very busy day Prof. [Alfred] Andre called and introduced a French gentleman whose father is a Parisian banker he was most affable and spoke excellent English. Afterwards a newspaper man of the Chicago Herald called and chatted a Little telling me among others how his prejudices had been removed since coming here and conversing with our people. Lydia Ann has been over and we have had some talk about Ort & May [p. 66] {p. 68}

<sent off valentines today to all Belle’s children> Such a busy day so late coming up. and so much to do and had promised to go to a meeting in the 15th Ward. Hurried home to dress and had no dinner, walked all the way there and was very late had a pleasant time however, refreshments were served and general conversation after wards. Drove home with Wilhelm late after waiting here alone in the cold until I was nervous again. So much of this waiting and uneasiness one wastes so much precious time. Louise is very unwell, has such a looseness of the bowels nothing seems to check it. She is very nervous and tiresome. Annie is nearly worn out with her. Margaret [Cannon] is so good. She has two teeth now. [p. 67] {p. 69}

Came up about noon & sent Valentines for Annie to Belle’s children, had a letter from Sep and none from Louie, which was a great disappointment. Dressed and went to meeting Apostle Lorenzo Snow who was released from the Penitentiary on Wednesday preached to the people occupying the whole afternoon. The day was rather gloomy inclined to storm. Drove home alone Annie had cooked the dinner alone, the girl’s Sunday out. We had a fire in the parlor and I did some writing. Louise not so well I cannot help feeling very low spirited, Annie has not been in very good spirits of late, though feeling better today I believe [p. 68] {p. 70}

Came up with Annie she went and selected Valentines and purchased some household things. I have not accomplished anything today worth mentioning. Went to see Sister Eliza and dined at the big house. As usual more mystery June [Junius F. Wells] gone off in haste and no explanations made. It has upset me on account of the picture he was to have ready for me, no word left and no clue by which to write to him. Drove down early with John Q. children so delighted about Valentines, Annie went to the District meeting at Br. John Woodberry’s [John H. Woodbury] and I stayed with the children though Rosie & Janie were both there to take care of them. After she came home we sung a lot of hymns. [p. 69] {p. 71}

This morning Annie came up with me and brought Louise & Margaret both & bought some things, the day was very lovely and the air seemed invigorating. I came home about 3. o’clock and thought to find letters from San Francisco but was disappointed and made myself quite unhappy on account of it, for it really seemed to me that something must be the matter. Tonight I took my first French lesson for nearly six months and as I never have any leisure time for practising I was afraid I had forgotten everything. Dr. [Romania Bunnell] Pratt came to see me today and brought back my three volumes the life of George Eliot by Cross. Martha [Harris] Wells came and read me part of Emily [Wells Grant]’s letter– [p. 70] {p. 72}

Came up with John Q. & found the mail was not in from California, went over to the big house to lunch Annie come up and went to Talulah’s with Margaret Geo. Q. & Louise went to the Sunday School party in the 5th Ward. The day was very disagreeable and the Western train blew off the track and killed the Conductor Adam Brown who left a wife and four children. All the passengers were more or less bruised. Drove home with Annie, the wind was awful high and it seemed as if the buggy would go over but we arrived at home safe and had a pleasant evening. I sat up very late writing. [p. 71] {p. 73}

Went up with Willhelm and found no mail, still blockade. This has been an eventful day, the Edmunds Bill passed the House today only 39. voting against it. It seems as though every thing had conspired against this people, no doubt the Lord intends to discipline his people. Sister Sophia [Whittaker] Taylor is lying at the point of death and it does seem so sad. The Gardo House, Cannon House, Deseret Hospital, and other places were searched today. There is a great deal of rejoicing in the ranks of the enemy over the passage of the Bill. Drove down home with John Q. Louise is better. Sent off a letter to Louie today. Went up to see Aunt Eliza. [p. 72] {p. 74}

<City Council night read my French this evening> This morning rose early and came up in good time– Had rather a pleasant day, a stranger called with a letter of introduction from his wife who had called upon me last summer, and had been much interested in my conversation upon our principles. Sister S. M. [Sarah Melissa Granger] Kimball & Sister E. S. Taylor came and spent a couple of hours in the Office chatting upon various subjects. It is a very cold day and the accidents to trains & mails East & West are very frequent nowadays, with wind and storms. The District Court is busy trying cases of cohabitation. No letters today that I care much for. I am so anxious to get my western mail. Read my revise this evening. [p. 73] {p. 75}

<Letters & Valentine came to day the first for five days.> This morning felt very much disconcerted over my paper not going on the press as I expected it would and one and another coming in and annoying me very much indeed, went over to the House to lunch & Lydia Ann read me a letter from the Esquire which seemed to indicate that he was in excellent spirits In the afternoon several people came from the country and ladies from the 14th Ward meeting came home early with Daisie alone, but got along all right, in the evening we had a rather pleasant time, reading and so on. Margaret is not very well. [p. 74] {p. 76}

The weather is very cold and a sharp wind is blowing I had not been very well for two or three days but feel a little better today. drove up alone and went to meeting Walter Beattie [J. Beatie], F [Franklin] S Richards & John Nicholson preached, came home alone found Annie alone with the children John Q. had gone to the Ward Meeting and Rosey and all the boys were out. We chatted & read and I fixed my Hospital accounts ready for the meeting. John Q. came in and spent a little time I have been very nervous for several days. & have not slept well. [p. 75] {p. 77}

Went up alone this morning and found Annie <Hamilton> there folding papers. Went out and bought some things for tomorrow as Annie [Wells Cannon] is going to have company. Received letters from Louie today that were too sad for anything and nearly broke my heart. At the Hospital meeting today Br. [Hiram B.] Clawson was made Superintendent and Sisters [Priscilla Paul] Jennings & [Ellen Spencer] Clawson an Assistant Committee. Yesterday saw Sister Senior⁸ at meeting who is just about to leave for England in fact she left today. Miss John of Provo⁹ called today but I was not in. A party of ladies called on me and one gentleman with them also Mrs. Shaw of Ogden [p. 76] {p. 78}

Washington’s birthday duly observed by our people. Home Dramatic played tonight. I remained at home all day, the snow was falling and Annie did not want me to go up. She prepared an elaborate dinner two or three courses before desert, set the table very handsomely and we had a fire in the parlor all day, Mamie [Mary] David Emily and Sylvester [Cannon]¹⁰ were all here to dine. In the evening we had a pleasant time and enjoyed it as well as we could, but my heart was very sad. My loved ones far away and one so forlorn my own sweet baby that I have held in my heart of hearts. [p. 77] {p. 79}

Drove up with Wilhelm, everything seemed dull and dismal, went to the Relief Society meeting & had an opportunity of speaking upon the subject of plural marriage Minnie Horne [Permelia Horne James]’s baby¹¹ died yesterday and was buried today at one o’clock. I did not know it in time for the funeral or to call but have written her a letter of condolence. Went and dined with Dr. P. [Pratt] and spent the evening with an old friend and had such a lovely time, talking of England and many things that were interesting. Sent an important letter to Sister E. S. Taylor. We had a delicious lunch in the evening very late and sat up until after one. [p. 78] {p. 80}

Many thoughts passed through my mind today of other days & scenes and times. I am not well and have had a most unpleasant time. In the evening a melancholy feeling came over me and I could not rouse myself from it. One can no more help these fits of depression than illness but one need not necessarily look downcast. I have had many callers today and much anxiety of mind about my sweet Louie. She is ever in my thoughts and I cannot sleep much knowing her loneliness and desolation [p. 79] {p. 81}

This morning I am still suffering from mental anxiety and annoyances as well of several kinds. Went to the Office and attended to business as usual, came home feeling very miserable indeed and went immediately to bed. Had my feet in mustard water & took some hot sling had much pain & no sleep all night & felt very ill in the meantime. Sometimes I was dreaming of very dreadful things and then again wide awake in the most intense pain. Louie has written me that John Henry Smith & Lorin Farr have been there and consecrated their oil–¹²[p. 80] {p. 82}

This morning I came up very late and tried to get regular work done but felt very weak & exhausted. I went over to the House & coming back I turned faint and swooned clear away. John Q. was just coming up to see how I was feeling and Louie [Louisa Watts] Sloan came along at the time and Rosie [Rosina Matthews] Lambert came in and Lydia Ann & Dr. Pratt Katie [Wells] and Nett Young [Jeannette Richards Young] and I cannot tell how many more. I came home about 4 o’clock and went into Annie’s bed and she nursed me up and made me very comfortable and I had some sleep and was much better. [p. 81] {p. 83}

Today I have lain in bed all day long. Only resting and thinking if only Louie were here how pleased I should be she could wait upon me and attend to the Office for me too. It is very cruel to be thus separated from those we love. The day has been a pleasant one except that I have been so sick and unable to get up. John Q. went to meeting Pres. Cannon spoke in the 5th Ward This evening Annie staid in the bedroom with me. I feel very nervous and want to get up and do something towards my mailing. [p. 82] {p. 84}

Today I went up to the Office. Annie took me up. She gave me an exquisite eider down wrapper silk wine color lined with blue silk. Talulah gave me a neat little book illustrated & May Gold Foil and Kate an embroidered handkerchief and Lydia Ann another, Dot sent me an elegant scarf Chinese silk and Elise [Gasser] two handkerchiefs I am much better and feel stronger as well Went down early and Annie went <could not go> over to the meeting at Rushton’s She staid home with me we had a pleasant time though I was very weary and nervous yet feel much better [p. 83] {p. 85}