The day is very unpleasant as regards weather. A deep snow has fallen in the night. It is Fast day and we went early to the Temple. I gave 5,00 as a donation to the clerk for record this makes ten I have given to the Logan Temple for myself and five for Louie at the time of the dedication. There was a meeting and several sisters spoke and Br. Morse an old man sang. I was endowed today for Helen Maria Fiske [Helen Hunt Jackson] and sealed for her to my husband.¹ Annie & I went home together & spent the evening as the night before [p. 359] {p. 360} only we went to Sister Margaret Young’s to dine

This morning Annie took her baby Margaret up to the Temple and she gave five dollars & baby asked for change to give and Annie gave her 25 cts and she handed it to the clerk and told him her name. I was endowed today for Mary Ann Evans and sealed for her to my husband. Annie was endowed for Experience [Dickinson] Wells. After the Temple work was over for the day Sister [Eunice Young] Thatcher invited my husband and I to go home with her to dinner & to stay all night. We consented and had a very pleasant time [p. 360] {p. 361} She has several children.

This morning after breakfast I went and called on Newel [W.] Kimball & family had a nice pleasant call & then went back to sister Thatcher’s to dinner. She took me up to Sister Parry’s where Annie and I were staying and we made all preparations to come home. Went to depot heard the train was late went to Sister [Elizabeth Dunn] Townsend’s and had dinner and from there to the depot again. left Logan past eight and arrived in Ogden half past one [p. 361] {p. 362}

We went on to Frank Cannon’s and had a nice bed though baby had a chill and Annie was frightened. This morning took breakfast at Frank’s and he sent a carriage to take us to the depot. Arrived in Salt Lake just about noon found John Q. waiting. When we got to the farm Mamie and Emily were there with the children. It was quite a treat to see them once again. I was greatly fatigued and did not attempt to go up town, but went up early in the morning. [p. 362] {p. 363}

Met Aunt Zina near the Office and she told me Aunt Eliza had died at five minutes past one o’clock. It was a shock to me and made me very nervous indeed I went up to see her and I also sent telegrams to Sister Hyde Sister Pitchforth and to Sister Douglas of Payson. This will change our programme for Sanpete and make us one day later. Aunt Eliza will be buried Wednesday at 12 M. from the Assembly Hall. I have seen Mell and shall sleep there tonight [p. 363] {p. 364}

Such a day of confusion went with Dr. Pratt from place to place to notify Presidents of Relief Society to march in the procession. We were very cold and weary before we completed our round. Many sisters have been in today and talking of the funeral and of the death which has just transpired. There is a great deal of feeling in regard to the course of Sister Roundy and Br. Lorenzo [Snow] himself it is said does not approve of the proceedings Sister Minerva Snow has been asked to stay [p. 364] {p. 365} right there and watch things.

<This is Annie’s birthday and I gave her a gold ring> This morning I went home to dress and then to the Lion House where the body of our much esteemed sister lay in her wedding garment looking like a beautiful bride. Soon the coffin came plain wood but silver plate & handles and engraved she was placed in it and the mourners were admitted first Lorenzo Snow and family, then the family of Pres. Young then her immediate co-laborers & the Relief Society. [p. 365] {p. 366}

Dined at Annie’s yesterday evening had turkey etc. Mamie, David, Emily & Sylvester were there staid all night. John Q. brought me to the train this morning, and Aunt Zina as well as Sister Minerva Snow disappointed me. So I had to go alone. At Fountain Green Sister [Polly Guymon] Johnson came to the depot and took me home with her had dinner then went to meeting addressed the sisters in the new brick meeting house a few brethren were present. went home and spent the evening with sisters [p. 366] {p. 367} who gathered in

This morning came on to Moroni with Br. & Sister [Reuben and Ellen Jones] Carter and Sister Christinson [Anne Zacariesen Christensen] and had dinner at Bishop [John W.] Irons then attended a meeting of the Relief Society and afterwards of the Primary Association. Staid after and called at the telegraph office & sent a dispatch to Sister Hyde at Mt. Pleasant. Sent my editorial to Esther today by mail from Fountain Green have had full meetings and every attention shown to me. [p. 367] {p. 368}

This morning drove to Mt Pleasant in Bishop Iron’s carriage with the Bishop and his wife [Deborah Lippincott Irons] and Sister [Clarissa Stafford] Gee. Conference at Mt Pleasant well attended though snow was falling. Pres. [Canute] Peterson was there spoke half an hour or more, dined with a large company at Sister (Christiana) Peel’s. Young Ladies Conference in the afternoon, very good attendance occupied part of the time Sister Hyde spoke in the gift of tongues and I gave the interpretation with much timidity. Spent the night at Sister [Margaret Cruickshank] Morrison’s. Called on Tina [Williamina Morrison] Erickson [p. 368] {p. 369}

Sister Eliza [Scoville] Mc’Arthur came to see me at Sister Morrison’s her mother² was own cousin to Sister Eliza R. Snow. She hopes to have some help from her will. Drove with Sister Leonard Jordan [Emily Caldwell Jordan] and son to Spring City, she is a daughter of Luke Johnson.³ dined at Sister Hyde’s with quite a company and attended meeting in the afternoon. The sisters had their meeting in the evening and I spoke 40 minutes Saw Louise Larsen who used to live with me had a pleasant visit with Sister Hyde– <wrote a letter to Annie> [p. 369] {p. 370}

Sister Hyde took me in her buggy to Ephraim. We dined at Pres. Peterson’s & held meeting at 2. p.m. A very large attendance Sister Hyde spoke again in tongues and I gave a part of the interpretation. I had spoken to the sisters before for half an hour or more. In the evening I went to the meeting of the Young Ladies. and addressed them. Sister Ellen [Rolfson] Dorius and Sister [Sophia] Anderson presented me with a pair of very nice overshoes. Pres. Peterson and his wife sat up until a late hour and we had a most interesting time [p. 370] {p. 371}

This morning though it snowed we came on to Manti. Sister Hyde and I in the buggy and Pres. Peterson and others in his carriage. dined at Sister [Rebecca Coolidge] Wareham’s and went to meeting in the afternoon. A large congregation spoke for some time and after all had spoken who were expected to speak. Sister Hyde again spoke in tongues & I gave interpretation In the evening I attended the joint session of young people and after the programme was invited to address the large audience of young men and women [p. 371] {p. 372}

This morning I went to the Manti Temple in company with Sister Alvira L. [Coolidge] Cox and one of Orson Hyde’s son’s Royal Justice, also Pres. [John B.] Maiben and wife Phebe [Richards Maiben]; and Br. Fulsom [William H. Folsom] the architect. I had very heavenly feelings in that holy house. It is indeed magnificent and the view from the towers is grand in the extreme. At 3. p.m. met with the Primary Associations of the North & South Wards and heard their programme. Miss Olive Laury [Lowry] presiding. Spoke to the children and felt much blest in so doing. <Wrote a letter to Mell.> [p. 372] {p. 373}

Last evening slept at Sister Wareham’s again, and sent off a letter to Mell & a note to Sister Maiben had a long talk with Sister Wareham this morning Pres. Peterson & wife came about 8. or 1/2 past to take us to Mayfield Sister Hyde & I administered to Br. & Sister Wareham and she blessed each of them in the gift of tongues and I gave the interpretation. Held meeting at Mayfield at 11. A.M. and then after meeting administered to Sister Williams & daughter then drove to Gunnison meeting at 4. p.m. [p. 373] {p. 374}

A very large meeting yesterday at Gunnison and at evening Pres. Peterson held meeting which I attended. We all stayed at Bishop Madsn [Christian A. Madsen]’s and this morning came to Fayette where we held meeting again at 2. p.m. dined at Bishop John Bartholomew’s and after Sisters Hyde & Peterson and the others had gone, spent a pleasant evening with the family. came to Juab with Br. John C. Mellor [p. 374] {p. 375}

Rose very early & came on to Juab with John C. Mellor very cold but kept pretty comfortable sent dispatch to John Q. and dined at Br. Elmer Taylor’s the girls were very nice & kind to me Coming home on the train I felt very weary and it seemed almost an age but at last I arrived at the depot and found Annie waiting for me with Grey Prince and we were soon at our own door at the Farm where after meeting John Q. & the children I felt once more like myself. [p. 375] {p. 376}

This is Lucy Catharine [Granger]’s birthday she would be 49. or fifty years old today. Lucy [Hewlings] will no doubt feel very much affected, but we are now so far apart that it is not my privilege to even hear from her. I was late in rising and even then I felt it my duty to go up town and stay with Mell as she expects to leave soon for Idaho. Had lunch with Annie & then came up to Mell’s, my head was paining me dreadfully, but Verona bathed it with cologne and Mell soaked my feet and I went early to bed and so felt more rested. [p. 376] {p. 377}

This morning snow lay thick upon the ground and nature was cold and still as the grave. I called at June’s on my way to the Office & saw Lena & Hannah Lena is very ill. Today has been so very busy, Sisters Jennings Stevenson and others have been in to see me, dined across the way, gave the folks one of the In Memoriam’s of Louie. I tried in vain to accomplish my work it seemed impossible. Went up to Mell’s after dark and had dinner, sat up late felt very weary & low in spirits. [p. 377] {p. 378}

Today came direct to the Office had lots of visitors. Sisters S. J. Cannon, Jane S. Richards, Zina D. H. Young, Sarah M. Kimball, Minerva W. Snow and Elizabeth Howard. I have had so much said to me in regard to Sister Eliza that I feel over-powered and know not what to think. It seems incredible that one so pure, so devoted in her life & character could be so imposed upon as Sister Eliza has been by this wicked woman. this Sister Elizabeth Ballam Davis Roundy. I came down home alone made a fire & sat in the parlor in deep meditation [p. 378] {p. 379}

Came late to the office but persevered a little It is my mother’s⁴ birthday she would be overy 90 if she were living. I have dreamed of her once or twice lately. Mell & Verona went down to Annie’s this forenoon. and I went rather late We dined about 6 in the evening and came up soon after. We had a very fine dinner elegantly served. Silver and china and fine linen Mell helped dress the dolls for Christmas Great preparations going forward for Santa Claus where little folks are. It is a very cold night we went to bed early [p. 379] {p. 380}

Today have been exceedingly busy and hardly myself I have been so nervous. Letter from Belle saying Brent had the measles. Great preperations for the Holidays. Sister Howard has been to see me. and said Bishop [Charles H.] Bassett had skipped and gone underground. Lots of annoyances & unpleasant things to meet, the girls slow and unreliable, I have sent off the Xmas gifts to Belle & the children gave her a writing tablet inkstand and all quite complete. Dot jewel case Sep purse Lucile Music holder Emma a book Eugene Portrait gallery Brent knife fork & spoon Elise pincushion [p. 380] {p. 381}

Today is the birthday of the great prophet Joseph Smith in 1805. Some of the sisters are invited to the 14th Ward to celebrate his birth-anniversary We have done some more shopping today and I have tried in vain to get some writing done but there are so many hindrances, it seems impossible. Sent off Daisie a thimble to Boston by express There is no further news of Mell going away. Stormy and cold and unpleasant. went home and read a little French Staid late waiting for John Q. to come. He brought Mell up a turkey. I had a lonely evening indeed [p. 381] {p. 382}

Christmas approaching streets crowded and every business place thronged Never saw such heavy sales any Christmas yet. I have tried to give to all but it does seem almost impossible. Annie came up late to finish trading I went with her. I had some strangers from Buenes Ayres [Buenos Aires, Argentina] So. America A very lovely lady and an intelligent gentleman Spanish with an interpreter came in a barouche. have had several other stranger’s this week. I shall spend Christmas Eve at Mell’s My husband came down from Logan today called in at the Office Very late getting up to Mell’s. [p. 382] {p. 383}

Came home alone this morning, made a fire in the parlor. wrote a note to the beautiful Spanish woman and sent her a bouquet of flowers as I could not keep my appointment to call upon them. I went down to Annie’s to dinner and we went over the presents with the children, there seems no end of nice things for the little folks. O if all was well with us how happy we might be, but it is not so. The great dark cloud hangs over us and it seems as if it could never be lifted, Promises upon promises have been made to us and must come to pass [p. 383] {p. 384}

All the brothers & sisters of John Q. except Abram dined at Annie’s yesterday. Turkey and every luxury.

Annie and I went up to the graveyard and we were caught in the most frightful storm. We could scarcely stand it. We were more than sad and solemn we were exhausted. It was too melancholy for words the wind shrieked and moaned dismally no funeral dirge could be sadder. We received the presents from Belle and after returning home we had dinner and spent a quiet evening. It is impossible to portray my feelings this Christmas. Sad and dreary indeed. [p. 384] {p. 385}

Came up this morning and found my husband in the office. He stayed an hour or two and conversed upon themes agreeable and I promised to go to his room this evening to finish our talk. How very disagreeable to have to be so secret in our association. Did not accomplish much went up to Ort’s and took him a Christmas Gift. Mell came in she had just returned from over Jordan where she spent Xmas I went home for an hour or two and then up to June’s to see my husband. Stayed very late, then went to Mell’s to sleep. A lovely night. Boys and girls coasting on the hill. [p. 385] {p. 386}

This is an anniversary I can never forget, one year ago today I was with my darling Louie helping her to get ready to leave me. How sad it seems when I think it all over and I wonder how I have lived through it all. I cannot comprehend myself. O, the agony, the heart-rending cries and anguish of body and mind that I have endured in the past year. Annie was invited to Jennings’ this evening, but did not go. I wrote to several of my subscribers today. Aunt Zina came in & we had a confidential conversation. Annie came up and brought Louise. No word from Belle, feel worried [p. 386] {p. 387}

The day on which my sweet precious Louie left her dear old home forever. Never more to enter its doors or cross its threshold, O sorrow of sorrows to this Mother heart of mine, yet I feel it was a consolation to me to be with her in her last hours although I only saw her suffering. How sad to contemplate and no hope of a cessation of the persecution waged against me and mine. At evening I went home and mourned for my loved ones. the wind shrieked and howled outside and in the garret it swept the chords of an old guitar lying there and as I listened it seemed like my dear ones calling <me to come> [p. 387] {p. 388}

Last night just after I left the house the wind rose more terrific than ever and the wildness of the night was a sort of companionship to my over-burdened heart. It is something indescribably pathetic. Winged messengers seemed bearing tidings from the spirit world. Soon after reaching Mell’s, tho’ it was snowing almost blinding me, a heavy clap of thunder and vivid lightning came, reverberating through the valley as tho’ it had shaken the everlasting mountains to their foundation. Evidently it had struck not far away. Strike in the News Office today all the regular hands left. [p. 388] {p. 389}

And this is the last day of the year 1887. To me it has brought the heaviest sorrow I have ever known. One that causes all past griefs to sink into insignificance. O that the coming year may impart some comfort to me in my declining years. I ask no triumph– no great victory over wrongs inflicted, but that some grievous wrongs may be righted, some bitter griefs lessened and from those, who should recognize what I have suffered for their sakes, & by their advice and counsel—a consideration that should open the way for <regained> confidence and not to lie forever under suspicion of wrong where no <real> wrong existed Good bye 1887 [p. 389] {p. 390}