This is the anniversary of the birth of my darling Eugene [H. Harris], forty-three years what an age it seems and O how many changes. How much has transpired since that time. Annie & I went up together and she took Louie Talulah for a ride. I have had so many hindrances from my work I wrote to Belle. My husband thinks of going to Logan tomorrow morning. Called to see Aunt Eliza today she is looking so well for her age. John Q. came up for me and when I went down Annie had been churning and cooking dinner looked so flurried and fatigued [p. 268] {p. 269}

This has been one of my unfortunate days at dinner there were so many sad things brought up it nearly killed me and I cried and sobbed for hours after. Finally Miss [Mary E.] Cook came. [John] Pilcher called upon me. He had recently arrived from San Francisco. May came over to try and comfort me expressed great affection for me and sorrow for my affliction. I was nearly sick and Clawson came to talk with me about the trial in the case of John Q. O my heart is broken all the evening I was making an effort to compose myself. [p. 269] {p. 270}

This morning I felt miserable could scarcely get up, but started off as early as I could and after attending to some errands for Annie went to the Office but it was one of my busiest days and the wind blew dreadfully. Dr. Pratt came to me and said Aunt Eliza had a letter from Br. Woodruff saying they had considered the matter of a building for the Hospital, and wanted us to have the place where we are prized and perhaps it might be bought for us. Aunt Eliza went to the 14th Ward meeting today and spoke to the sisters. I am very low-spirited [p. 270] {p. 271}

Went up soon after breakfast to my old home and staid all day, fixed up some reports and so on in Louie’s Book as Secretary of the Y.L.M.I.A. Miss Cook has taken the position, and wants everything handed over to her. I looked over some old poems of mine and burned up many of them. Harry [Henry L. Culmer] & Nett called upon me and Harry is going to make a sketch of the old apple tree in the yard and the morning glories and long grass. Louie always intended to do it. Annie came up for me, and we drove home late in the evening [p. 271] {p. 272}

This morning when I arrived at the Office I learned that parties of tourists had been waiting for me, but had gone away without seeing me. Two ladies however waited Mrs. Layton & Mrs. Bell, they were both very intelligent free from prejudice & altogether susceptible. Miss Cook came and talked with the strangers about prophecies etc. Franklin D. Richards came and spoke strongly upon the state question. Said he knew that Pres. Taylor did approve of it cordially which was the most direct testimony I had of his approval. Went to the Hospital meeting [p. 272] {p. 273}

So tired came up early and called at Sister S. M. Kimball’s to ask her to go over to Tooele and attend the Sisters Conference. She consented and Sister Minerva Snow will go with her. She called on me providentially as it were and it saved my looking her up. She has just returned from Mexico where our people are living in great poverty and all because of having obeyed the laws of God. I was working hard all day. the paper went on the press in the morning, and all day I was so busy. called on Sister Eliza and went home early and spent the evening with Annie [p. 273] {p. 274}

Was very busy all day it was Sister Presendia [Huntington Kimball]’s birthday and about 40 sisters assembled there I sent her a white silk handkerchief embroidered Lula G. R called on her way and urged me to go, but I could not. I was called on by Sister Minerva W. Snow who had but just returned from Mexico. She gave me a sad account of the poverty and destitution there. She had told me some things yesterday but more today. Came home in good time and went to bed early for me. They have been searching again for Br. [George Q.] Cannon¹ [p. 274] {p. 275}

<Annie & I went up early called at my house and> Went to Ogden by the morning train, Sister Josephine [Richards] West met me at the depot with a carriage drove to the residence of Apostle F. D. Richards met Sister Jane S. and had toast tea & eggs. Went to Conference with her in the carriage. Met so many of the sisters and some brethren there was quite a large congregation, and after reports minutes and some speeches from Sister Richards and a few others I spoke a short time. Dined at Mrs. Wests and went to afternoon meeting & spoke again for nearly an hour. came home the same evening [p. 275] {p. 276}

This morning was lovely & I drove up with John Q. found the two days mail waiting for me one letter from my husband in the Temple and so much work to be accomplished some important letters to be delivered in person and to undertake it was almost too much for me. Bought a new book translated from the Russian, found it not at all au-fait would not give it to Annie even to look at Went to the 19th, 16th 7th, and 12th Wards. to deliver messages. This is a sad anniversary yet we were not so unhappy last year as we are now.² [p. 276] {p. 277}

John Q. took me up and I called at the old home and saw the morning glories they looked so sweet. This is my sweet Emma’s birthday, she would have been 27 years old.³ I had such a busy day went up to Mell’s with a letter for her from Belle. She showed me Daisie’s letter from Thorndike [Massachusetts]⁴ and said she was going to have Nina [Selina Clayton Winter] married from her house. Aunt Zina came today also Sister Taylor Minnie Horne and others. I have been very busy had a letter from Belle saying she would be here on the 19th. We went to the grave [p. 277] {p. 278} yard and decorated Emmie’s and Louie’s graves.

Sunday morning we went up to the old home and found the morning paper contained a notice of the case of John Q. Cannon and it made me quite nervous. I could not stay at home alone under such circumstances, and therefore I went back with Annie to the Farm, and all day long my tears were flowing and my heart was likely to break. I could do nothing whatever and at evening we went for a walk through the willow path where our sweet Louie fled from the Marshals. It is a lovely place, and so romantic [p. 278] {p. 279}

Annie went up town with me & took the two children we saw the Fireman’s procession it was rather a pretty sight, and the little ones were quite pleased with the music. I had a chill and felt very ill, Mellie came and seemed gloomy and it quite depressed me. I could not settle my mind to work at all. I went down home and read some of the letters which had been laid away. O, my heart is broken, and I can never recover from the blow I have had. If I only had the days over again that we spent together in the old home, how I would enjoy every moment, but that cannot be. [p. 279] {p. 280}

I have been very busy [William H.] Rowe came to tell me that the wheat must be moved from the Rock barn and I hastened to inform Br. [John R.] Winder and all day I have been worrying over that. Br. Jos. [Joseph C.] Kingsbury has the removal of it in his charge. It will be quite an undertaking and I do hope it can be accomplished without any difficulty. the day has been warm another great change from yesterday. There is some sickness in the City and many cases are fatal. Evening I felt very tired & much depressed. [p. 280] {p. 281}

A lovely morning Annie came up with me and we quite enjoyed the ride it seemed such a lovely day, so mellow and delightful. The leaves are beginning to turn and makes a charming variety of scenery. Went up to Mells to get measured and had dinner there with Mell. Will was gone to [Samuel] Sharp Walker’s funeral. About 4 or half past Ort came in and said something dreadful had happened on the street in front of my office. Mell had struck Pres. Angus M. Cannon and he had struck her back again. This almost paralyzed me [p. 281] {p. 282} I scarce know what to do or say or think. He advised me to go up to see her immediately and if possible to keep it out of the papers.⁵ I went and passed thru a most severely trying ordeal, one that no language can portray. Annie came for me and we drove home late our hearts nearly broken. John Q. came up too & walked home again.

This morning Thursday we came up and could ascertain nothing new. So Annie went home again. I went up to Mells thro’ the day and had my black silk dress tried on. had a nice little lunch and found Mell a little better– [p. 282] {p. 283} Her neck is hurt & she holds her head much to one side.

This morning is warm again, the beautiful birds around the farm are such a pleasure to me or would be if I were not so full of trouble There is not nor can there be any real pleasure to me until the case of John Q. is dismissed. O, if we could only have peace once more. Our loved one, who was so dear to us has gone, but we shall have her again if we live for it. but the agony she underwent and that we are suffering is terrible in the extreme Went to Mattie [Martha Horne] Tingey’s with several sisters to assist in washing & <and anointing> [p. 283] {p. 284}

This morning I came up early with John Q. and I worked hard to gain time to go to the Wedding of Salina Winters to which I had been invited. I presented her with a silver butter dish engraven S. W. Sep. 17. 1887. Annie gave her an elegant Album, bound in Moracco., Mell & Will a pair of pictures one (September) and one Jersey cows & Milkmaid. The ceremony was at 8,30 at Mell’s house Reve. Mr. [J. Brainard] Thrall performing the ceremony. They stood in the archway between library and parlor under an elaborate horseshoe of flowers [p. 284] {p. 285} <and trailing vines.> after the ceremony lunch was served in elegant style & wedding cake was excellent.

Sunday: I stayed all day with Annie we never went out at all, the wind blew fiercely, I longed to be in the woods or at home to hear it in our own garret. So weird and poetical is the sighing and moaning of the wind that it awakens in me thoughts & feelings that otherwise I should never know or experience. Annie cooked a duck and sent to Br. Geo. Q. Cannon. We had a lovely evening [p. 285] {p. 286}

Today we had expected Belle I came up very early, had strangers calling the very first thing, learned that the Esquire had come f[r]om Logan Saturday night. He had been looking for me yesterday but failing to find me, sent me a message today to be at his room at 10. at night, Annie came up for me & staid at Ort Whitneys until I came back about 12. m. and we drove down alone reached home at one. John Q. went out today to his cattle ranch and will stay all night I have had another new experience tonight. [p. 286] {p. 287}

Annie Louise & Margaret came up this morning with me. After reaching the office Annie went to Reading’s⁶ and got a bouquet for Abbie as it was her birthday and took it down there saw her and the two little girls. I have had a tiresome day. Dr. Pratt has had serious difficulty with Mrs. [Emma Clarke] Bird at the Hospital and policemen have had to be called in.⁷ Jos. A. Smith of Logan has been in to see me and also Thos. Butler who has just returned from a mission. Received word from Belle that she is not coming as yet. stayed alone until City Council was over [p. 287] {p. 288}

This morning the work seemed to accumulate more and more and one would think it utterly impossible to get off even for a day or two. Life is so full of bustle and confusion and there seems no respite for literary workers. However I mean to go to Nephi this once for a change O, how my heart aches, how dark the way seems to be, and how thickly my path is beset with trials and difficulties that are sharper and wound me deeper than thorns and thistles. But I must not faint by the way there is too much at stake [p. 288] {p. 289}

Today I determined to go up to Sister Eliza and tell her I was going to Nephi, and with this resolve I started. No sooner in the room scarcely then Br. Angus came in, and after making my adieux I left Sister Eliza sent a message after me, to do an errand for her at Nephi. I went on the 4. o’clock train and Mrs. E. S. Taylor was on the train also. We went on together arriving about 8 in the evening. I stopped at Sister Pitchforths and had supper and then went to Sister [Maranda Cazier] Bryan’s to sleep [p. 289] {p. 290}

<Relief Society Conference at Nephi> Today it is 36 years since Bishop [Newel K.] Whitney died. It is all plain in my mind and fresh in my memory. Went to neeting at 10. A.M. spoke at some length half an hour or more. dined at Sister Pitchforths with a number of the sisters. Meeting again at 2 p.m. Spoke again as it was expected Sister Taylor & myself would do most of the talking. Went to Sister Teasdale’s to supper. it was at Br. [James] Picton’s house saw the photo. of the little baby Jennie [Teasdale] in England. Br. T [George Teasdale]’s child Sister Teasdale is in very poor health. dropsy I feel sure [p. 290] {p. 291}

<Saw Zina [Virginia] Hyde yesterday she said how she loved Louie> This morning was the Primary Conference, quite a number of children, a good programme and I spoke a short time. We all went to Br. [Jacob G.] Bigler’s to dinner and then back to the meeting house to the Y.L.M.I.A. Conference. After the usual exercises and programme I had to speak first tho Sister Taylor occupied the most time. We all went to Rebecca [May] Udall’s to supper and Dr. [Emma] Atkin called there to see me She cried in talking of Louie and said how much she loved her. [p. 291] {p. 292}

Last evening we had quite a company at Sister Pitchforths and refreshments served in the nicest style. I took the money that been collected for the exiles in Mexico. quite a sum We had such a good time that it was after twelve when we separated for the night. This morning we left at 15 minutes to 6 by the train for home arriving at ten A.M. After meeting on Saturday Br. Picton with his new carriage drove around to show us the town. We had a very good time indeed. Found things all right at home, and stayed all day with Annie [p. 292] {p. 293}

Br. Wilbraham drove me up this morning. Went direct to the Office. So much work had accumulated in my absence and I seem utterly powerless to do it. I do not understand why only that I am so nervous with anxiety. How dreadful to be in such a state of mind. Heaven help me. My heart is broken. O Lord have pity upon me in my desolation. I went to the house to dinner and up to see Sister Eliza twice today. Have had several visitors. Annie has gone to the Block meeting this evening. I am so nervous [p. 293] {p. 294}

This morning after a most dreadful night I rose not rested but more tired than when I retired and with a dreadful pain at my heart. Rode round by Smith’s Mills with John Q. who drove the ponies a handsome span of horses Gilbert & Grover in the buggy and Louise sitting between us. Driving along how everything came back to me, of this time last year when with my own sweet darling I wandered in the fields and tried to get away from thought of the great trouble. Had two lovely ladies call upon me today who seemed so interested in me. Many [p. 294] {p. 295} things of interest dined at Mell’s. Went to see the painting of the dead tree & morning glories.⁸

Went up early today with John Q. and the span of horses. Called at Helen’s and found her lonely and despondent.⁹ Went to the Relief Society meeting and spoke a short time. drove down with John Q. early. Had a call from Dr. Barney Sister Eliza sent me the photograph of her brother and herself and the poems that passed between them. Have had so many callers today and been so very busy [p. 295] {p. 296}

Came up early with John Q. & Sweetie. Worked very hard during the day. Went down home and spent an hour or two in the old home. Everything seemed so sweet if sad. O my lovely home, my garret, and my garden my parlor too where I have passed so many pleasant evenings in the companionship of those I love. some that are gone and some still round me but not here. Isolated from my husband and with the most gloomy forebodings of the future I roamed over the place I must so soon leave forever. At last I went back and called on Talule, who went with me to the Office & waited till the carriage came [p. 296] {p. 297}

Went up in good time Mell came to see me about Verona who seems to worry her very much. I deposited a little more money today making fifty dollars in all in Zion’s Savings Bank. Two Frenchmen called on me with Prof. Andrè. One is Italian V. [Vice] Consul and the other from Paris. I have been mailing and trying to get lots of work done. Mrs M. W. Snow and Mrs. M. S. Snow and Mrs. M. [Margaret] Steele and many more have been in to see me. I have had a busy and a tiresome day of it. Must get my teeth in [p. 297] {p. 298}